11 years ago...

Well, it is hard for me to believe but it has been 11 years since my sister passed away. It seems like so long ago to me. I can't believe how much has happened since then. I was 15 and she was 16. We were best friends. We had all the same friends, interests, we spent our spare time together. I was getting ready to start High School (10th grade). It was a great time in my life. I was so happy. She got sick one day and never got better. I remember that day so clearly, I don't think I will ever forget it. My brother and I were working together as lifeguards and had been to a meeting that morning. We went straight to the hospital after. She was in a medically induced coma for comfort and had been for a few days. The doctors were working on her. It wasn't looking good. We waited all day long. In the early evening hours the doctors were on their last resort surgery. By this time there were several of our family and close friends there. We filled the waiting room and spilled over into the hall. My uncle offered to buy us all (my siblings) dinner so we went to the cafeteria and felt a little light hearted and hopeful. As soon as we had gotten our food someone came and got us. When we got up stairs my parents were in a seperate room with just an intimate few people. The doctor came in and told us that they had tried everything and she didn't make it. The room closed in around me. I was heartbroken. How could this be? She was so young. She still had so much to do. I still needed her so much. How could I lose my best friend. All I could hear was sorrow and pain. In that little room we all ached together. That is an experience that you never forget.

The next year was the longest year of my life. I started high school 3 days later. I just went through school in a daze. I didn't make many friends. I didn't want to make many friends. I had a few very good, close friends who had been through this with me. How could anyone else understand. I cried a lot. I spent a lot time in my room alone. I didn't talk much. I didn't have much to say.

Since then I have missed her so much. I have done so much that I would have wanted her to share with me. I had my first boyfriend, my first kiss. I graduated from high school. I went to college. I dated a lot. I got into nursing school and then graduated. I met and married the most incredible man I know. I have been happily married for 5 years now. I have a beautiful son that makes me so happy. I have grown and changed and learned so much. I wish I could share my life with her. I wish I could call her up on the phone and just talk to her. I wish we could raise our children together. I wish for time and memories that we missed out on.

I am surprised sometimes how much I am still affected by it. Time does help but the pain never really goes away. It seems that every year, August is a hard month for me and I can never figure out why until it gets to be the 22nd and I realize how sad I am.

There is a moral to the story. Cherish the time you have. Love the people you love and let them know, often. You never know how much time you will have together and there is nothing worse then not getting the chance to say something you wish you could have said. Life is hard sometimes I know. It is also really good sometimes. If you can remember the good things and forget the bad things, you will be happier. Enjoy the little things. The precious hugs and kisses from your little ones. The times when the person you want to share the rest of you life with looks you in the eyes and tells you how much they love you. The funny things that happen. The lessons you learn. The challenging times that make you stronger and better. Remember that we don't get to choose when our time is up. We just have to make the best of the time that we have.

As for me, I LOVE my life. I have the worlds best husband. I can't imagine what I would do without him. He is so loving and understanding. He truly wants me to be happy and he works hard at making that a reality. I have a the cutest little boy in the whole world. Yes, I am totally biased but it's true. He is such a good boy. He makes me laugh so hard. He is so smart and so sweet. He loves me and loves his daddy and loves to get hugs and kisses. He is so sweet and innocent. I am so lucky to have this perfect little family. I have the best parents ever. My brothers and sisters are great, we are close and we love to get together. I have the best in-laws ever. I think all the time about how blessed I am to have been given such a great family and then I married into an equally great family. I have wonderful friends. I love them all so much. Most of all I have the gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I know that He loves me and watches over me. I know that because of Him I can see my sister and all of the people that I love again. I know that this life is hard but there is peace and comfort through Him, and a path to eternal happiness.